RELATIONSHIP AND FAMILY THERAPY
BALANCING TOGETHER
Kees van Kesteren
ABOUT
Relationship problems can be very painful. The distance, the bitterness, the incomprehension, the anger, the fear of loss, the lonely feeling.
It is often difficult to admit that it is not working. it does not fit into the image you would like to have of yourself and show others. You may be looking for the cause in yourself, you feel guilty and you fail. You can also feel that the other is not taking you seriously, not seeing your love. You may even have the feeling that life is too hard because of this and you see little way out.
Fortunately, this way out is usually there. A path to more acceptance of and connection with yourself and with your partner. For this it is useful to look at the patterns with the help of a professional, which cause you such misery.
Below this lie the original feelings and desires and needs that want to be seen, heard and known.
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I have more than 35 years of professional experience in counseling parents, partners and children with problems.
My working method is that we look together in the conversations to find out what causes the injuries. How the injuries can be better understood and how we can stop them.
The sensitivity and vulnerability of both partners, if it may be there, is actually binding. In the conversations I stimulate to communicate differently with each other. This can break patterns and allow for more empathy and understanding for each other.
SPECIFIC AREAS OF EXPERIENCE
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Addiction problems
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Trauma
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Personality problems
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Depression and anxiety
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Composite families with their own character
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Families with children in the adolescent phase
In recent years I have been working as a relationship and family therapist at the GGzE in the psychotrauma department. In my private life, I am a sporty, travel enthusiast recently in my sixties and happy father of 3 adult sons and daughters-in-law. Grandfather of 3 grandchildren.
I get feedback from colleagues and clients that I am down to earth and involved and that I speak to them in plain language.
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I have been inspired by systems therapists Esther Perel and Sue Johnson. They represent the concepts of differentiation and connection. Both so important to be able to be a human being and to enjoy life.
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As a therapist and as a person, I assume that we are fundamentally equal. There is more that corresponds than that makes us different.
TREATMENTS
RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
I work with the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Emotions are the starting point. In the first interviews, we analyze how you shape your relationship. In doing so, we look at both the positive motives and the patterns, which are perceived as more negative. The interaction patterns that always lead to conflict or separation.
Often it concerns needs and desires that are difficult to express towards each other, while they are so important for a pleasant relationship. In the sessions you practice with new interactions that are constructive and connecting. This allows both partners to consciously choose to switch from a destructive to a constructive form of communication.
If one of the partners has psychological problems and / or addiction problems, it is also possible to register. I have extensive experience in mental health care, which allows us to estimate achievable goals in the initial phase.
FAMILY THERAPY
The tensions within families can sometimes become very high, the atmosphere becomes tense and the distance between parents and child is increasing. Parents feel powerless, children feel left alone. Bridging this distance then becomes difficult.
During family conversations I look with the youngster and parents to see how the atmosphere can be improved. In addition, everyone is heard in his desires and needs. in composite families there is an extra dynamic going on, sometimes this manifests itself in the feeling of being too marginalized or having to take everyone into account too much. Which may have to do with the difference in the position of biological parent / child and step parent / child. In addition, the feelings of loyalty of the children to the non-resident parent also play a role.
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In these composite families, the mutual relationships can be worked on in smaller parts. So it is not the case that the whole family has to be present in all conversations.
INDIVIDUAL COACHING
When it is not possible to go into therapy together and you get stuck over and over again, not knowing how to get out, then individual therapy is an option. Often the above has to do with problems within the relationship or problems within yourself in contact with others. During conversations we look together at how it is that patterns are stuck and repeat themselves. Which factors play a role in this and what is needed to regain confidence in yourself and to feel comfortable again. A specific area of attention is the partner of people with addiction problems and / or other psychological problems
